Welcome feasters

Yes its been awhile and time to do what will be the last post of 2012, it will be a little summary of the year and some about the things have been, maybe even a little about the coming year. Alright so whats been up? (not my the numbers of my readers) Working my ass off through November and the plan to open at the end of October, using November to to work the concept in and had my goal set for an awesome December, especially when the store was open from 10 to midnight on Dec 13. As you may you have guessed (being that I am the one writing this) it was a disappointment, generally december has been a let a down for me. Now I will be honest that compared to December 2011 it has (ma) been better by about 25% ish. Now some will say that’s not bad. I would have inclined to agree if it was not for two details.

One being that December last year sucked ass, did not even make 100k NOK (thats about 16,000 $ ish) for even better comparison, May 2011, the month that we opened we sold for more then in December 2011. December 2012 has (ma) been on a sense the best month since we opened, however as I mentioned there are a few details that kind of makes it sour. The second and the MOST important reason is that IF I was still running the Krishna concept with the same inventory then YES it would have been a MUCH better result. However Style is almost twice if not three times the inventory cost compared to Krishna. Am I thankful that the month picked up in the last week? cause until the last week before Christmas I was in worse shape then last year. YES I am VERY thankful, but at the same time the reason I came up to those numbers I had to run a 20% discount, which eats at the bottomline, and leaves me with less when it comes to the half inch mound of bills sitting to my lest as I write.

Other fun stuff in December? I took in a Canadian jacket brand called Pajar, which sold (ma) well, but with a girl not paying attention we had two stolen, that was 12k nok (about 2k $) out the door, I also had  a meeting with the girl and have tried to set them straight, based on what I require, I was pissed off by both of them, got the store one day and one had gone on a smoke break, I was there for 5 mins before she came back. The second I found sitting on her ass reading a mag. They have been told that they will get three written warnings for breaking the rules and termination. I sick of playing nice with people, I will fire their asses if they don’t follow the rules.

Now another positive thing is that I set a weeks goal for sales pre Christmas and we actually made it (ma) That I am very happy and grateful for, mid Christmas sale has been crap, but you know what? I don’t care. I worked Dec 21 and after that have been on vacation, I needed a week off from everything, Hell did not even check in how much sales where until the 27, it was friggin wonderful. Not going back until Jan 02, will take care of things then, until then I am in a fuck it mood, well as well as I can be, even on a diet break, I have a plate of sweets in front of me as I am writing this.

Actually training wise I have changed focus, I am now bulking, clean bulking (with the exception of Christmas) since Dec 3 I have put on 16 kg (36 lbs) much of it is water, but its still disturbing lol, but hell I don’t care, now the focus is strength and muscle gain for a good six months at least. So here is the  summary of my December, All in all this year was no different then last year, same store struggle, same body struggle, no significant gain in either area. Still single is the hunch back of notre dame, still having employee issues. So I am not even gonna bother to a prediction for 2013, I will like thank God for all the positive that did happen, for all the bad that thought me a lesson, for the fact that I made to the final step of 2012 and the beginning of 2013. Do I hope that 2013 is WAY better then 2012? you bet your ass I do, will I do anything if it is not? probably nothing more then bitch about it here to you guys, will I stop fighting? probably not even though God knows I want to so very badly but I need to be better even worse.

Anyway thank you all for the year that has been and I will see you in the next

Happy new year friends…

Bobby out


Merry Christmas

Posted: December 23, 2012 in Mine

Yes I know its been awhile since a post, I am planing one during the week after Christmas :) so in the mean time my friends. Merry Christmas to you all, may you have unforgettable moments with your loved ones. May you have just enough filled wishes under your tree and just enough wonderful food.








Bobby out


Welcome toddlers

Wow what a month it has been and the last two weeks have been hell. I was kinda waiting to blog so I could hopefully share some positive tidings with you all if they where to happen. But no such luck. Figured, Fuck it might as well write what is.

Most of November has passed and my sales are still shitty as ever, more or less same kind of numbers that I had with Krishna, however the month seems to be shitty for a lot of people as it seems customers are awaiting to start their Christmas shopping. But I trying to do more promo stuff, like getting a model in the store to take some pics in my clothing, I am also awaiting answers from couple of sport teams both in Lier and Drammen, I have told them that if we become affiliates all the members will get a 20% discount. I have given employes of the bar I work in a 15% discount, but still no go. People think that the store is awesome the clothing is awesome, hell even people working in other stores think I have cool stuff.

We were even lucky enough to get the lier newspaper up here to do an article on us and the response from people is WAY different then it was with Krishna but still it won’t help if there is no money coming in the till now will it? There is still some hope that when Christmas chopping kicks off that I may make some money, as it stands now I will have to push in more money from myself to stay afloat out this month.

But of course not enough with that the shit keeps rolling, remember the Canadian girl I told you all about that I liked and also wanted to take up a manager role here (and yes two separate things) ? Alright after the store was up, I found out that she is an art student so I asked her about doing some quotes on my walls and she was exited about it and wanted to use oil paints, at the same time I wanted once and for all get a answer on if she was interested in a position or not cause we had talked about it and I don’t like to move on from what I have said until I have a true answer because my word is important to me.

The thing with her was that she may be deported from Norway and as I said lets focus on what is and we make a contract cause I think you have the skills to do well, if you get deported you get deported we will figure it out from there. Even before that we spent a lot of time talking, about everything and anything, we have lot in common and she found out that I was a people reader so she asked about this, that and the other. Including things about her boyfriend, friend and so on. I don’t care I answer what is asked. We where becoming good friends, Did I have feelings for her? well she is pretty and we have a lot in common, so yea I did like her, BUT either way she is in a relationship AND i wanted to use her in a professional  setting.

Anyway as she suggested we stay after hours to do the painting work, while we talk about every kind of things. I drive her home on Thursday, she staying the car to talk for an extra hour. Friday she says she wants to give me a book so she invites me in, we end up talking about Indian m ethology for like three hours. She did not want payment for the painting job and has also signed a contract with me for a manager position so things where good. So I said ok I will take you out to eat and it will be on me (we talked about that long ago) so do the painting, talking all the way, we go the city she wanted get something for her boy who was working, we did, went to eat and then drove her home, carried her bag groceries in for her, gave her a hug and left.

Now I am a physical person, I touch, hug, shale hands with EVERYONE so she is no exception. Come Tuesday and an wired line of circumstances later, her boyfriend comes into my shop as I am about to end my shift, I reach my hand out to shake his and walks passed me going “I don’t like what you are going around here saying”… ummmmm… que ? “yes I don’t think its right that you are saying you are obsessed with her” ………….. ………. ……… what?? when did I say that? “well Vidar the guy who owns the fish store said that you told him” ehhh no I did. never said anything of the like.

We go to fish dude and I ask him when did I say that? and he fucking goes you said that two weeks ago? WHAT?? when have I EVER said I am obsessed with her?? “no you said you like her, and you think she is pretty” yea? and ? that’s something she knows I have told her I think she has a pretty face, I told her I wouldn’t mind using her as a cloths model for the store, OFCOURSE I like her, thats why I want to hire her.
I and the kid walk back to the store he tells me also that they talked on Sunday and apparently she feels I “like her to much” The fuck? what is it with being nice that attracts crazies to me? I seriously need to kill the nice part about me it keeps getting me into trouble. I assure you that I have NEVER EVER said anything to Vidar that could be misunderstood as me being obsessed with this girl. I mean yea I like her, yes I would not have minded meeting some like her personally. But I have never told him that.
Either way the kid was more upset about what we had talked about him, more then her, he even told me “you know some people just react differently then you and I, but I don’t want to be the middle man. You talk to her directly” I told him we talk about everything, she asks me stuff about you and I answer based on what I think, BUT there is nothing I say that I cannot stand behind. After I go to her to talk to the girl and she tells me that Vidar said I was obsessed with her, and how she had been in that position before and was violated, did not want to hear anything from me, because “why would he say it if it was not true”

The day after I talked to Vidar, he told me that it was a misunderstanding and apologized to me so we are good, the girl and I have not talked yet, apparently she is to good to apologize for being a psycho, Though its her problem it is annoying me cause we were becoming good friends and Vidar explained to her that it was misunderstanding, never understood why people have egos when it comes to apologizing, you fuck up, you lay down flat, say sorry and make it ok, simple. But nooooo, hell it was a apology matter that led to me and Aneesa not talking for like 3 months (and no not digging up old stuff Neesa, just saying) I have never had an issue saying sorry when I am wrong.

If that was not enough, the mall rent guy is up my ass now, the hair saloon across from me and I wants me to move out and into a smaller shitty store. I fucking can’t, I just spent 50.000$ building this place, is gonna be so much “fun” to see how that goes. Go on tell me I am a cynical person and just make up bad shit out of nowhere, I dare you. FUCK

There was one positive thing that happened last week and his name is Gabriel Iglasias AKA Fluffy. He is a comedian and if you have not seen him, I suggest that you pull him up on youtube and check him out. He came to Norway last year but I missed him, this year we go tickets and went to see him. He was AWSOME, he gave a 60 min show which was all NEW material then went into doing more then hour of his old stuff based on that the audience kept asking for more. We were over 6000 people in the venue. It was the best show I had been to and I realllllly laughed. But there was more to it, he told a little about his passed, and how he had spent 15 years of doing stand up comedy to end in front of 6000 vikings doing comedy karaoke (we kept doing the jokes with him) I know that spent atleast 10 years before people started to recognize him at all.
His entire show is in english, its clean (no curses, well almost) BUT he is a Mexican, he told us about how his agents would always book him close to the Mexican states so that “his people” could come and see him until an agent believed in him and booked him to a sold house in Minneapolis, then he become a cross over comedian. How he was hired a few years back by a prince in saudie and how he had to cross half the world to be called an american rather then a latino comedian. How ignorance is spawned in the states and how he saw how things were different when he started traveling, but also how similar people are.

Through all this, I understood something, I do piss and moan about my life and lets face it if I did not, I would not have much to write about here. And yea life has been challenging and a struggle (not to say that in SO much it has also been blessed compared to other (ma) ) But I understood that even though life has been an struggle, I have not really been struggling, if you understand the difference. I really did not start fighting until maybe 5 years ago, with my body three years ago. With the clothing business barely two years. I really have no reason to complain I know that, its just annoying that there is always something to worry about and it just never works it self out until I am exhausted and a hair away from quitting. But I guess as long as it does work. The second thing was how incredibly nice and humble he is I loved it.

December 3 I am going to andrologist (and no Andro I am not talking about you here) Gonna get my hormones checked out, kinda sick of working twice as hard as others for half the results. I have been dropping as much calories as I can to drop body fat, and after him I will start focus on building, more food, hell of a lot more food and pushing then weights. I am sick of focusing on cutting, time to build. Might even get medically enhanced muhahahah, we will see. 5 months or so then cut again.

Anyway, enough for now.

Bobby out


wow seems like its been ages since I wrote a blog, there are quiet a few things that have happened so I am not really sure where to start and where to end. Its over a month since I wrote the last post, I have to say that I appreciate Andro as he keeps coming to comment on my site weather I write or not, I appreciate that my dark friend. Some one else that has returned is Neesa, we had broken of contact a while back but started talking again its nice. So whats been happening and why this long for a post? well I made this damn tittle two weeks ago but never got to writing.

I changed my diet to become meatless, getting most of my protein from powder form, carbs from oats, buckwheat and ricecakes, though the free meal on Sats are still open to everything. I started loosing weight (hopefully fat) of course even when you lose fat it means that you are on a fair deficit so it did effect my strength but no issues with training. I also cut a little more on day to day calories. I got sick of the fat not moving any (become just another thing I was unsuccessful at) so it was nice to getting some momentum in that area. I am gonna keep at this till Nov 10th after that go back to meat but still a deficit, come Christmas I am going on a weeke long diet break.

Two weeks ago I made a final sale and closed to the doors of Krishna, it was the beginning of two hell weeks as the rebuild started, of course I was lucky enough to have family and three friends to help, but that present its own set of stresses. Not to mention the couple of friends I have to constantly drive to get shit done. We layed new floor, buildt new changing rooms (from one to two and places at a different place) doing as much as I can to make it look like a new store with out changing out the furniture itself. We spent Sunday till Saturday just rebuilding, Sunday on washing and from Monday I started getting the cloths in. In between there I did (ma) manage to get a loan, of course not from my bank but a short term loan. Apparently as per the bank I could not afford a cheaper more long term loan, so it was easier to get a much more expensive short term loan. Oh well I thank God for the fact that I got the equity in.

Of course the cloths from the vendors did not go without a hitch there was some fighting as some fell out and I had to find replacements, but hell Friday 10:30 PM everything was hung up and on my till, ready for opening day kick off. Bed at 3 am, up at 7, got to work had my parents with me we started with some prayer and we where ready to go. The setup was having a live DJ, cupcakes with the comp logo, non-alchy drinks in (plastic) champagne glasses, give-aways and we even had the reporter from the local news paper come and do a expose. BUT it was REALLLLLY quiet, hell it was worse then my first opening. I was fearing it as the week before the mall had this 3 days shopping spree affair, it was a bee hive of people here the week before, but for several reasons I could not open the store then. Boy was I heartbroken… again… I felt a shame, like responsible, cause the DJ is a friend of mine and there were so little people, I had both the girls working.

The nice thing though was that we did get some lookers and by the end of the day I was dead in body, heart and soul lol. BUT I had promised the girls a pizza night as celebration so we went to eat. It was nice to spend some time with them outside the store. I was pissed off and sad though cause I had put in so much work, eitherway sunday I was doing NOTHING and took a rest. Monday did not start off well, a ZERO day, but (ma) SLOWLY but we have started seeling some things, but it needs to get MUCH better as I am all inn this time. BUT the mall it self has been deserted this week, so I don’t think anyone has done well.

Either way the plan is to use a couple of months get this new concept up and running, get a store mgr and take an IT job, let the girls handle things here. I am hoping to get that canadian girl I mentioned before but we will see what happens.
Here are some pictures… if you pray, pray for me, if you don’t.. do it anyway ;) I need the help, I trying to keep my head above water and trying to fight of depression.

Bobby out



Welcome to the demented world of the Lycan

Long time no see, as I have mentioned before I am dropping down to about once a month, it sucks. Kinda wanna go back to where I was writing more often. I guess its kinda like as long as I have the same crap to say, why bother. At the same time, I am noticing that my hours somehow disappear somewhere, I have no idea where, feels like I get two hours of peace at home.

I know its just an illusion cause I am stressing my self up, but as I have mentioned before anything your mind believes to be true is reality. Anyway lets get to the updating, I know you are all dieing to hear how things are going. I have decided to reopen the new concept “Style by BK” on Saturday 27 October, with a brand mix of Guess, G-Star, Miss Me, Gustav, Nu by Staff, Wiksen, Style Butler and a few more. All are high end brands (and I am scared shit less lol) Is it the right move? I have no f’ing clue, I tried the medium range and you all know the result. I know right know on a cheapass range (we are talking about max price 50$) still no cheddar,  hell if that was working I would stay with a cheap concept on Liertoppen.
I am still fighting a battle with the bank to get a loan (business loan I have givien up on, now we are talking about a second mortgage) and there is still an issue. So its either that or take up regular loan, but they are expensive as hell. As far as the stock I am gonna cut down on the store, making two changing rooms rather than one, and moving the till (I think) having a seating area with a espresso machine (which I already got for a nice price, it was 100$ but the went to the capsules, the machine “free”. New name and hopefully a new floor if I can afford it.

All this needs to be in place, at the top of it I am not sure if I am going to have enough merchandise to open the store with, but if don’t open now, I will have to open February/march which are sucky months to open the new concept, people are drained from Christmas chopping as well as the January sale so feb/march are dead. Gah the stress, I have spent 944 min on phone this month

At times I just wanna go fuck it and run away from everything and everyone. I hope things start to shift cause I want to be able to not only take care of my self but also my family, I want to contribute to those who have less and do great things, but for that I need to get some money and get my head on straight (and yes I know you don’t need money to contribute, there are lots of ways, but thats how I want to do it)

There is this girl that works at a instrument shop here on Liertoppen, she is canadian and I thinking about getting her a sa manager, she has a collage degree and managerial experience, she know many of the brands that I am going to take in. Seems bright, so the thought is to have an all girl staff, get my ass back to a day job, which will safeguard my own economy.

I also have admit that I have somewhat of a crush (I dont like that word, seems so..juvenile, but I have not had breakfast yet and its the closest to what I feel) on her, I like her, she is beautiful, smart, likes gaming and anime. Not sure on how loving and emotional she is, she is a tom boy. She likes to work and seems to have aspirations, and the bonus I get to talk to her in english, she has a tendency to bring out the best in me with I am with her. She makes me smile and I feel free around her to play and act. But ah-lass she is in a relationship, hell even if she was not, wouldn’t make any difference. Anyway, I am hoping she can be good for business and I am taking her with me to Guess tomorrow she will help me purchase. I hope that someday I can find someone like her as a partner in life, or at least how I see her to be

I have talked about being depressed and pissed off a lot on here, hell I can’t believe that I have the readers that do with my constant whining ~laughs~ (I thank you and appreciate you, its nice to know that someone is out there reading what I writing, you know what I mean? a sense of connection) Anyway, I try to do 5-6 days of morning yoga and meditation, nothing major just some breathing exercises (15 min of three different pranyam “yoga of breathing” and 10 min meditation) when I am doing it I will either listen or watch inspiration/motivation/self development type things, you know Tony Robbins, Bob Proctor, The Secrete, Will Smith, Muscle Prodigy and so on

I just started on Tony Robbins Ultimate Relationship program (both audio and video) now as I have mentioned to Mysterycoach, there is somehting about his voice, he just inspires me, but I had been not wanting to listen to the relationship thing just cause I am not in a intimate relationship (yes I know family and friends count to and I suck with those relationships as well, but I wanted to prioritize some other stuff and I don’t have the energy to focus on all the shitty things I do when it comes to family and friends. I could be and do much better) ANNNNYWAY I did not have anything else so I started listening to it

First of all he mentions the six human needs, which he almost talks about in all his stuff (I have mentioned them before in a post as well) and rightly so, no matter what structure you follow, be it maslow’s hierarchy of needs, tony’s 6 human needs or even the mystery’s survival and replication theory, they are all in their own way right because even with all our human complexity we are basic simple creature looking to satisfy our needs in one manner or another

In Tony’s structure they are 1. Certainty, we need certainty that the sky wont fall down, that way have a roof our head and food in our bellies. 2. Uncertainty, as stupid as it sounds we need it, if you know at all times everything that will happen and how it will happen you would get bored out of your mind, ever hear of someone in a relationship complain about how they and their mate have become “more like friends” then lovers? thats what has happened in most cases. There is no uncertainty anymore no spark. 3. Significance, we all have a need to feel significant, to be unique to feel like we matter. Some achieve this by being the best they can be, some by having more holes in their bodies or tattoos that can be counted. Some by proclaiming that I don’t have the need to be significant. 4. Connection, we are in the end a pack animal, we look for connection, love. To other people, to God, to pets, to art. 5. Growth, we all need to grow because if we are not growing we are dieing and 6. Contribution, to contribute beyond ourselves, to something greater and bigger.

No almost all human actions are designed so they fill one or more of these needs. Either in positive, neutral or negative manner, anytime we can fill more then three needs with the same action, that action is likely to become an addiction. IE cat lady, that is someone filling their need for significance (the cats would die without her care), certainty (they will always be there) and connection (they love her no matter what). It can even take on the shape of contribution where someone is taking cats of the streets to fill in their homes thinking they are contributing by “saving them”  You get the general idea.

I had heard this multiple times before, but repetition is the key to mastery and it is first now that I can remember all six. But more then that in the relationship program he talked about something that really turned on a light bulb. Somewhat of a “ahh hu” moment. Something I had never thought of , he started talking to a chick in the audience who suffered from trust issues, trust in men, but more so she had an depression issue. Now anything depression related and my ears perk up like a cat. I have been struggling with my own feelings as you may know and I want to stop feeling the way I do.

As always you learn something as long as you listen and I got a view of depression I had not seen before. Lets take a step back, I know that much of my depression stems from the fact that many of my needs are not being met, some not at all and some not in the way I need them to (IE: I could always have a better connection with my parents and friends). Many of my desires stems from the needs I place highest on the pecking order and how I view that they will impact the others. Take for example love, I do not feel worthy of love by a women, I feel like I am not good enough. In my case unlike for many others this feeling is amplified by the fact that I never get or have gotten much interest from the fairer sex. I can not with my hand on my heart in all honesty say that ever in my life I really have had a girl fall in love with me for me and or found me attractive (the closest I have come is to a girl I used to teach in my Wing Chun Class, who was a lesbian so you go figure. But that was more a daddy issue then pure attraction)

The thing that really hit me and was something that I had not realized before (well not on that level) is that people use depression and anger to meet those unmet needs. Well I know that some people use depression and anger to get attention from other,  but the fact that some also use it to more or less fill their needs. Like this women he was talking and using as an example. She used depression as one to get attention, but also to feel connection, to feel loved. Moreover it let her be feminine (in the sense of the feminine feelings) being allowed to feel. But it also made her feel week and when she was tired of feeling that she resorted to anger this made her feel powerful and strong. Again when she was tired of anger she went back to depression, Tony mentioned to this as the crazy eight pattern. She was filling her need for connection (with her self and with those trying to help), significances (by becoming the focal point) and certainty (she could go to depression when ever she wanted and it was there.

It made me understand how I meet my own needs by the same kind of feelings, though I am not using depression to get attention from others, I do it to connect with myself, to let me feel, and when I shit tired of feeling like that I go to anger. There like 3-4 tapes, I am still on one so will be interesting to see what pops up. Of course knowing why I am doing what I am doing is one thing, but if I can stop doing it, is another matter all together.

I have been having a few Facebook discussions with Sandz, about atheism and I wanted to share some of it here. Now I don’t like to judge or be judged for what I believe in, because lets face it, being “Christian” “Muslim” “Jew” “Atheist” really says shit about someone. Its not what you believe in that defines you, its how you define what you believe in that defines you. There is just to much bullshit going around, and the funny thing is that what most atheist claim that what they are is the absence belief. But in most cases when you break it down, atheist are just a another set of people with their own set of believes, not to mention that someone of them are equally fanatic in their belief as they claim religious followers to be. Because it is one thing to be “I do not believe in such and such, because of this and that” however many atheist just like those with a deity belief are just as adamant about how what they believe in is the ONLY truth, how they will try and convince you on why you are an idiot for believing something else and are readily willing to make fun of those who do not follow in the same thought structure. I find that incredibly funny as how people blame others for doing exactly what they are doing them selves.

Lastly training, man my strength is suffering 6 weeks passed my diet break, I am starting to have issues again completing my programs. if I can just fall 3-4 lbs below from before I started the break, I can increase my intake and start to build for a bit.

Anyway here is some of my rant, enjoy.


Bobby out


Welcome back, the both of you.. ~laughs~

Boy time keeps flying at the rate of the bullet train, I have having meetings with new suppliers last week and this week, God has been god as to provide me with some help when it comes to getting some girls into the store so I can do my meetings, I mean like the new suppliers but of course its one hell of a risk as I have still been able to gather equality, best case scenario would to be get like 100 grand from the bank and actually start a monobrand G-star store in Gullskogen (its the mall making the most money in this area) but eitherway I whould have aroud 50 g for the new concept. But I cant get any loan on the business as my results are sucky. Can’t even find an investor.

To be honest I can’t understand why, I mean I am as fair as can be when it comes to money matters, I would never try and fool anyone, I have known so many people up through the years that take people on as investors and misuse them. But for some reason they can always find new patsies to invest, I however being honest cannot, like what the fuck.
Anyway last meeting is tomorrow, after that a final pow wow with my parental unit and we just have to decide what to do as time is slipping by faster and faster, we need to make an order soon and get the store set up.

As always some brands have said yes, but couple of the big ones I wanted have said no cause they sell to Asker and Drammen, which are two cities on opposite sides of Lier where my store is, its ridicules really, but oh well, I have enough vendors to redo the store either way, the communication with G-star I love and I also have a new vision setup if I can get the equity in place. Which of course is the problem, not enough money, but I only have two choices, take the plunge and hope for the best or just close everything down. I REALLY don’t want to do that. By next week I am going to start ordering in cloths for the opening, wish me luck… gonna freaking need it.

I have been writing this post for about four days now, not really been in a writing mood, but 14 days last week I decided to go on a diet break. Which turned into a two week overfeeding experiment more inline with Matt Stones RRARF. Now I choose over eat for 14 days rather then just a diet break, which would entail that I increase my calories to maintenance, mainly using carbs, we do diet breaks after long periods of calorie restriction to normalize certain hormones and the down regulated metabolism. Since I have been on a restriction for two friggin years I figured it was time to up the intake a bit (even though I have had a free dinner on Saturdays, its not enough to do it just one day when it comes to hormones)

I did come across a few challenges, I wanted to take a break from the weighing, which (for me) makes it hard to just stay at maintenance. Because I did not want to measure I did not how much I need. So I figured ok lets try eating based on hunger and apatite. This to was problematic for me ( I am right diva I know) because of my life stile and old life, when I eat it seems I only feel three sensation, hungry, not hungry and stuffed. Feeling of satisfied is not something I am sure I feel (ironic guess I am the same way in every aspect of life) The difference between now and when I was obese is this, I can still eat large amount of food at a sitting as in eat till it hurts, but at the same time after a large meal I don’t feel hungry for long period of time (which is very natural, and a ability you loose when your are obese) eating based on hunger was a issue as all of the sudden I was not sure if I was eating maintenance, I have been on low cals for a while so I stay full longer on food.

So I said fuck it and started a planed overeating, I eat both junk food and so much junk food, everything from spelt pizza to chocolate to ice cream. The positive effects I had from my two weeks my strength increased in the weight room so did my capacity for cardio. As talked about my Matt Stone my hands and feet where glowing warm (a sign of increased metabolism) I also felt a shift in my hormones, I was sleeping better, and was way hornier lol (increase in testosterone) on the negative side, my depression was off the chart, often it felt like I was being crushed by my own feelings, I wanted to, and still want to just run away from everything and everyone. Now this could be from a few reason. To increase cals I added eggs to my diet and I am have an intolerance, eating foods that you do not tolerate and worsen your depression. But at the same time I have been stressing with a business. I was also tired (still am) this to can be attributed to intoloranse, but could also be a positive reaction in the sense that increasing food, makes the body focus on healing, and when your adrenals get a break  your body relaxes from making adrenaline (which it often does in higher dosage when your are on a cal deficit) Another bad thing (for me anyway) is that I gained over 10 lbs (6kg) I am guessing and hoping that its mostly water. When I am off the break, lets see how my body reacts, I am back to the same diet as I was before the break. If within a month I go below the weight I started with I know this may be a good approach, if not I will just keep trying things out as I still can’t afford to be back on coaching

Some time back I joined a few casting pages and I got to work on two sets as an extra, one was a commercial,my very first, I was one of 200 people, boy you wait around a lot as an extra, I got two hours of sleep. Was in oslo at 6:30 am and back 8 pm. But it was fun I enjoyed being on the set and the whole taping thing, last week I was an extra with line on a norwegian comedy show. But they decided not to use that scene, that sucked but again I enjoyed it. Like millions of others I would love to be in the acting business so its fun being on the sets I am going to keep working on it, who knows what it may lead to, just on the last set I met a lady who is into leader development who wants to meet me for a chat. So networking is definitely another positive of this business. But hell there are long hours and I need to be away from the shop, I am going to go to oslo and join a few larger casting companies hopefully I will get my big break ~laughs~

I am at a crossroad right now, though not as many as I wanted but the vendors I need are in place to open my store, however I still don’t have the cash I need. I am going to the bank this week, but ohhh I am so unsure, but if I do not start ordering cloths I will not have much of a choice from the collections. Life is hard when it comes to choices, I hope that my feelings change soon before my feelings crush me under their weight.

This one is taking a bit long to write, I am gonna cut it here, hopefully the zest to write will come back to me as well, but you all have a slight update.

Oh a little PS: another interesting thing was that the more sugar I ate, more sweets I craved, even though I was not hungry.

Bobby out



Welcome vargs

I can’t keep track of time anymore, so I have no idea how long it was ago that I blogged. Well I could look at the posts list and find the date, but… well who cares, I am here now. Man I miss the days of being a unemployed with pay, training most of the day, reading and blogging almost daily, hell even miss blogging every weekend, just does not seem to happen anymore.
I have been exhausted for so long, summer has passed (however crappy it was) and fall has started as August roles in, my year is a blur of stress, worry, pain and more stress. It feels like just yesterday it was Christmas. I feel like I have wasted so much time already, and time just keeps dripping away without me making any progress.

If that feeling is the truth or an illusion, I do not know, but I guess ultimately they are the same thing. I am just exhausted of life you know? you the feeling where if I had no expenses I would just give a complete shit, crawl into bed and stay there till….2015. I can feel how frail my nerves have gotten, yes, 32, frail nerves you read that right. I react so strongly to shit, get nervous and hardhearted that you have no idea. Or if you have been reading my blog for awhile I guess you know exactly what I mean.

Money is still an issue, Store is still an issue, Employees are still an issue, body is still an issue, basically its just like last year, only that its a year later and I more tired. Next week I am starting me meetings with the new suppliers to see what I can do so of course that little blond bitch from the unemployment agency has disappeared. Guess I most suck as a boss as this is the second girl to run away lol. Oh well. The other one is that ran away is still making issues because I sent her last paycheck to collectors agency who had sent me a payment demand for her past bills that she had not payed. I tried to get a hold of her to figure it out, but no answer and now she is having a bitch fest.

So as for the store, I stand thus, I have 4-5 suppliers who want to work with me, I have no equity, no partner/investor even though I tried to get one, I am selling gods on commission which is good cause its keep the store afloat, but no large sales number at all, I have no employees, and basically no fing idea what to do. Well I know what I want to do, its the how which seems to be presenting me with a problem.

I have taken up bartending up again to make some extra money, its job I am adequate at (ma), which is good. I had my first day on last sat, and its a job I can manage, so that feels nice. But I can feel that I cam kinda passed that stage of working night clubs, but I need the greens. My Saturdays are now a 13 hour work day, so getting the 11 hours today was no fun. But hell doing something I feel I am not a total fuck up is nice and for that and the job I am very grateful for long days or not.

Other then that, I am not sure yet if I am going to do this because of this b*** doing a Houdini act on me, but I applied as a extra on a commercial and I got in as an extra, it would be fun to be on a commercial, but its Wednesday 8 am to 8 pm.

Training wise, I have gotten down to 76Kg, but it stopped there and in the weight room I am not really making any gains, so from Sunday I am going to do a two week diet break and see how it goes. I have no money to continue with my coaching so I am on my own.

But yes there are a lot of things to be grateful to God for, I know, and to be thankful but I am just in a real funk…

Anyway a little “howdo”

Bobby out